things that go through my mind

in the span of about two minutes these are the musings....

i love paint. paint makes me happy. it's like God in a can. i'm glad God made paint. every winter i paint a few walls. hmmm i wonder if the bible is true? and about those gnostic gospels. what of them. i want to read them. i think mary magdelene did have a big part in Jesus's life. what part? was she a disciple? did she have writings? did Jesus like her more? hmmm i hope my kids turn out okay. will they like me when they're adults or will they have issues about every little thing i did wrong? i sometimes really suck at being a parent. i yell, i scream, i rant, i rave. then i say i'm sorry. this seems to be the pattern. do i really have control of who they become? do they have a pre-set mission in life? does it matter what kind of parent i am? does it matter what kind of parent other people think i am? after 5 kids why don't i have it figured out? do i care what other people think?hmmm sometimes. i can't wait to go away for a few days. i want to sit on the beach all day for 3 days and sleep in every day and do whatever i want. is that selfish? do i deserve it? no, does anyone really deserve anything? should i have gone on a mission trip or something selfless instead? would that be more meaningful? hmmm i love my friends. i'm really glad i have them. i wish i had more time to hang out with them. they are really cool. hmmm i miss my husband. we have lots of distractions in our life. how does one REALLY simplify? how do you do that with 5 little people who have lots of stuff? should i live at the farm this summer? will it drive aidan crazy to be out there? away from friends? the computer? the tv. or will it be really good? hmmm i really LOVE paint.