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well, maybe. let's just say i'm gonna try a little harder to get my thoughts out into cyberspace. it's soon to be a new year right? hey, i changed the blog look...maybe that will help.

i think i stepped away from my blog because what i really wanted to do was RANT. COMPLAIN. SCREAM. i was really, um, pissed about that whole brutopia thing and really wanted to move past that. the problem with that is that, well, i'm still pissed over the whole thing. SO. now that that's out there maybe i can move on. maybe. or maybe i will just choose to wallow in my bitterness. what does one do when they've been burned? why do i think that with age, people are more mature and past really taking advantage of other people's goodness? because that, essentially, is what happened. but, i'm not gonna talk about that anymore. whew! aren't you glad?

last month, david ended up in the hospital. for three days. we don't have insurance. we choose not to have it because of the expense of being self-employed AND david's pre-existing condition. SO. people are amazing. i honestly cannot believe how our group of friends and acquaintances have stepped up to help us out. we are surrounded by the church. people i didn't even know brought food to my house. friends kept my kids. like for an entire week after david got home kept my kids. friends i haven't talked to, or hung out with for a few years brought food. people did our laundry. we EVEN had former customers from the coffeeshop bring yummy soup to the hospital for david to eat instead of the yucky hospital food. my boys' basketball and soccer team rallyed together to bring food and take care of the financial part of being on the team. an old friend, who i haven't seen in a few years organized a benefit for us to help with the hospital costs. some musician friends of ours turned their already scheduled winter concert into a benefit. other friends sold pieces of their art to go into the hospital fund. amazing. i don't even think one box of thank-you cards would cover the amount of people who helped us out. we are blessed. it's real easy to give. it's real hard to accept gifts. it's humbling. but, it reminds you that life is about relationships. that's it. plain and simple. loving other humans. loving your neighbor. that's why i'm SO conflicted about the above issue. how do you love people who have trashed your soul? taken your time? your money? used you? how do you hang on a cross, with nails in your hands and forgive? how the HECK do you do THAT? it's real easy to love people who "treat you as they want to be treated". it's real hard to love those other people. it's easy to want the best for people who want the best for you. it's real hard to love those other people who don't want the best for you. but, it sucks to be bitter. it only does more damage to my already damaged soul. so, moving on is the best thing. for those other people and for me. maybe someday i can look back and see peace in the whole thing.

what i meant for this to be was a thank you. a mass thank you to EVERYONE who stepped up and helped us out. we are happy, happy, happy to call you all friends.