smack talk: the love language of boys

my boys went out at the farm for the annual boy camp weekend this past summer. i really don't want to know what goes on really. i am a girl. i am not allowed. i couldn't handle it anyway. i can't talk mean like them. when the eldest was younger his best friend lived down the street. i overheard them talking to each other one day. shocked, i was. i asked my son later if what they were saying to each other hurt his feelings....he looked at me with a blank stare.



before i had kids i had strong ideas about kids. i thought boys and girls were equal. in my semi-feminist mind this had to be so. after having 3 boys and 2 girls i've found out my ideas were completely wrong. while both sex has their strong points and neither one should be looked down on or treated poorly, they ARE different! granted, personality has some to do with it. one of my boys is way more sensitive than the other. however, when it comes down to the basics, smack talk is the love language of boys. they relish in seeing how far they can go. they call each other really bad names. they rip on each other. they compete. they would not dream of saying "wow, you're really amazing" or "wow, i really appreciate how you are my friend" or "why don't you go first". i'm not saying they aren't nice. they are. it's just different. their slams are compliments. hidden. but somehow they understand them.



as a mom, i had to come to grips with this way of talking. i have a tendency to want to nurture, praise, and compliment my kids in a positive way. imagine that. of course, i am the mom. i'm not allowed to smack talk. that would just be downright wierd. but there is a tendency to stand up for my kid when a friend is calling them a mean name. i have to just keep my mouth shut. really shut. because i would get the eye roll. and i hate the eye roll. just let it slide. right off my back.



one day i was working at the farm with my husband and one of his friends. a grown man. two grown men and i felt like i was hanging with two smack talking boys. really? i had to laugh. i decided to join in. WOW! so freeing, so nice to say every mean thing that came to mind. no restraint. these two grown men looked at me like i was insane. crazy. out of my head.