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Since I've been on facebook I have come across people who I thought I would never think about again. Folks from most areas of my past life have creeped into my present. This is good and bad. Good because I love most of the people from my past. Bad because I am forced to recall lots of the choices I made that weren't exactly the best.

I went to a small college in East Tennessee. It was beautiful there and I still miss the sun setting over the mountains. My freshman and sophomore years were spent getting used to my freedom. I went home the summer after my first year away and swore to never live at home again. My parents were/are great but they were still PARENTS. My senior year in college was rough. Academically, I was fine. I studied and got by. Emotionally, I was a wreck. There were many things that led up to this of which there is no need to share. I ended up checking myself into a psych. hospital. It's so hard to admit you have a problem. To really let go and let someone else take care of you. Going to that hospital was the absolute best thing for me at the time. It was a low-key, really nice place....kind of like a hotel with lots of locks. By my second week, I was allowed to sign out for a walk around the building. The best part of going there was that I realized that I wasn't so bad off. I met a woman who turned the gas oven on in her trailer and tried to kill herself and her 3 year old son. I met several other suicidal people. Some who had been to this place 3 times or more. I met a guy who had violence issues and had driven his car into his mom's living room. A heroin addict who left me a mixed tape of his favorite music when he left. I was pulled into a world of broken people. It was also a world where I felt completely accepted. There was no hiding here. Blow dryers and other things with cords had to be kept with the nurses. You could smoke outside, but the lighter was chained to a bar inside the door. We could watch TV, but no cartoons! There was also a list of movies that were acceptable. They didn't want us seeing anything that might remind us of our troubles. Visitors were allowed on Sundays. I was amazed at the friends who stood by me. I truly thought they would be embarrassed!

After 2 weeks in this place, I was given the thumbs up. The doctor felt I was ready to move back into my life. I felt I was ready to move back into my life. It was really strange to go back onto my college campus with all of the college kids who seemed to not have a care in life. In a way, it was refreshing. In a way, it saddened me. I actually missed the broken people. After college, I moved on. Thankfully I've never been as desperate as I was at that time. Continually, I have been around others who help me to see the truth whether it be by their own admission of dealing with depression or by their ability to encourage. The truth is that our lives are good. There's always someone looking out for you. My favorite memory of the hospital was the first night. I realized I was out of cigarettes. I freaked. I really didn't see how I could make it there without smoking. My parents were leaving and I left my room to tell them goodbye. When I came back there was a pack of Marlboro Reds on my bed. One of the nurses heard the angst in my voice and saved me. Yes, a nurse. They're supposed to take care of you, ya know and she did.

Everything happens for a reason. I really believe this. If I had not gone there, I would not be here sitting at my computer recalling the good and the bad.