the baby

i never thought i'd call the last one "the baby". but it is SO hard not to!! this is the last picture of me and the kids before "the baby"was born. literally. he was born that night. we were on our way to consume indian food and david had to take some pictures! after returning home, david went out with some friends and i stayed up. i realized at about midnight that i probably should call david, my friends and the midwife! everyone arrived, candles were lit and my best memory is sitting on the birthing ball surrounded by my husband, my midwife, two doulas and my two good friends. the place i went was surreal and so spiritual there are no words. i wish every woman who experiences birth could allow themselves to experience it this way. the pain is practically unbearable but the love and strength that can surround you is amazing. all i remember of transition is the chanting of the women there and my feet being rubbed! our kids all joined us when the time was nearing. their faces at the end of the bed as i pushed out their sibling is unforgettable. the best part is that they all covered their ears! (i'm really LOUD) anyway, my "baby" is 3 now and i'm not pregnant again! we just packed up the crib and put him in a big bed. he had his first haircut. i no longer have to rock him to sleep. he doesn't WANT to be rocked!!! somebody needs to rock me. I'M the one in need of comfort. do i want another one? no, not really. if i were to have one, i'd be okay with it. but i'm not planning. i think you get to the point of being done. ready to move on. but it doesn't stop the achy feeling in your heart. and now i know why almost everyone i know calls the last one "the baby".



disclaimer: i'm terrible at putting pictures on here!! someone help me!

asshole hippies

this is what was written in crayon on our brand new fence that we had to erect to keep our crazy dog from running the neighborhood (someone called the cops ya know). SO, we put up the fence and it gets vandalized? asshole hippies? yeah, let me call my friend jon....he's got the pot. i kinda want to laugh about it, but then i think.....a kid probably did it and they probably heard that from a parent. it really makes me feel kind of sick. it also makes me want to throw a HUGE block party. feed everyone, shut the street down, rent a bit jumpy thing and force everyone to like us! i think it also makes me feel sad for my kids. then when i think of that i want to find the little twerp who wrote on my fence and yell really mean things. i just want to ask them....how big is your world? do you ever get out of your box? look around you. does everyone look just like you? act like you? wake up. the world is HUGE. you know nothing about me. you've looked at me and decided who you think i am.

so this incident led me to think about people throughout history who have suffered bigger injustices than this small event. how years and years of being treated like a lesser being because of race, gender, religion or class could force a people down. how my hope is that this can change. can it? are we destined to repeat the past? a couple of years ago when we were studying history (we start from the ancients and proceed from there to american history), my son avery (then 9) asked, "when are the protestants and catholics going to STOP FIGHTING?". hmmm...well, let me get back to you on that one. in going through history again with my kids i've realized how much fighting there was/is! one battle after another. one people trying to free themselves from another. one county trying to gain another. it truly never ends. and i don't think it ever will end. as much as i want peace, i really don't think it's possible. the only thing i can do is to try REALLY HARD to live in peace with my neighbor. it is NOT an easy task. i know it's the right thing to do, but i really don't want to do it. i want everyone i know and love to live on my cul-de-sac. i don't want to have to get along with people who i really share nothing in common. (except for dee...my 70 year old friend across the street...she ROCKS!) i want it to be easy. life is never easy. there will always be the underdog. the person underfoot. i just don't want it to be me....

lars and the real girl

just watched it. cried my eyes out. go rent it. now.

what would you do?

really, i want to know. would you stay in a house in a neighborhood you're not too crazy about because you only have 9 years left on your mortgage? the house is great. some of the neighbors are great. you really want community. do you just stay and make the best of it?

downer

i really wanted to put elias to bed early. really early. so i could sit and watch a movie. unfortunately, i just discovered him sippin on a diet pepsi. the little sneak! why he likes it i don't know. i try to hide it from him. i don't really think it' s healthy....but every now and then he finds it! so with all the caffeine in his little body...hmmm.

i'll try really hard not to cuss. but it did feel really good. kinda rednecky and juvenile...but really good.

damn

so i signed up on facebook. HOLY SHIT. i had no idea. yeah. it's pretty crazy. crazy and fun to reconnect with all of those people. wierd. it's like having a big party and all of these random people showing up. do i have to give everyone a beer?

drifting

i try really hard to blog. i've written several in the past few weeks, but my time spent at the computer in the summer is just..well..interrupted. constantly. even now at 9:24pm and i have to stop. think. answer a question. rethink. what was i saying?????

my eldest wrecked on his skateboard. saved his broken arm that is in a cast. tore up his other arm. his hips. his leg. his ankles. crazy. he is the cautious one. the one who thinks. he is not a daredevil. he beat himself up for choosing to go down a really big hill. he was at a friend's party. called me to come get him. by the time i got there was kicking himself for not having a video camera on hand. ya know...near death experiences are very popular on youtube.

must go. i promised myself i would go to bed really early tonight.