hold on

the other day i was frantically nauseous about having a teenager. my friend melanie put it really well. she said it's like we're first time moms again. there's all this teenagery behavior and it's like having a new newborn. you have NO clue what to do with them. sadly, you can't just hold them, feed them, change them and make them happy. no, now they have opinions and they REALLY like to make them known. they have a brain that thinks, ponders, worries, plans, loves, and all that other stuff. unfortunately, sometimes their brains and our brains are in collision mode.

my husband's answer to it all is to "put your seatbelt on". melanie and i decided it needed to be a 5-POINT harness type.

i'm learning that i can't completely control my teenagers. they have to learn to do that themselves. i sometimes have to just stand by and watch. urgh. why can't i just clean up the mess like when they were two? i have to admit i do have a pretty great teen. he does have some pretty great friends. REALLY great friends. that's good.

it's just that i'm living with a 6'2" manish looking person who really isn't a man yet. you sometimes catch glimpses of a man...he's got a really good example. what i snicker at are the eye rolls, the hair flips, the "debating", the questioning. he's trying to figure it all out.

like every mom i thought the baby days would last FOREVER. it really seems like they will when you're in them. but here i am. he's got about 4-5 more years with us and that seems like a tiny amount in the scheme of things. thankfully, i've got 4 others behind him. i mean i'm really glad i still have a cute 4 year old who gets his words mixed up and runs everywhere and is still kind of pudgy and smells like a little kid. by the time he's 15 i'll be riding without a seatbelt. i'll be so comfortable in the role of "mom of a teenager" nothing will surprise me. not that i'll have it all figured out, i'll just (hopefully) have figured out how to relax. you know, by the time you've had the third or fourth newborn, you realize they're not going to break. they can cry and it won't kill them. other people ARE able to hold them and love on them!

by the time you've had your third or fourth toddler you realize that ice cream for breakfast sometimes isn't such a bad thing, and buying candy everytime you take one to the store just to keep them happy won't lead to sudden death. you lighten up. so, it has to be the same with teens. that is, until i get to my girls and that, my friends will be a WHOLE 'nother story.

it's time

for a hair re-do. new color. new cut. soon. if i can JUST find 5 seconds to call.

the boys had a crazy, good time at the farm campout. i'm so glad they do it. i hope aidan continues the tradition into adulthood. that would be cool.

it's COLD! what is up with that???

i went through the calendar with my kids today and the summer is flying by. soon, it'll be time to start school again! how can that be?

i re-painted the dining room and now all of the school books/craft supplies/drawings from the past entire year are on the table. i have no motivation to clean it all up! i just want to put it all in a box and forget about it.

i think i'm moving my school room to the basement. i know, dark. scary. there's really good lighting down there and it could stay messy all year. i hate having to clean off the table every night for dinner and sometimes i don't and we end up eating on our laps in other rooms and that really stinks. i think i want the dining room to be the dining room. i think i need another space separate from the rest of the house for schoolwork. mentally, i need to go somewhere else. i need everyone to have their own little desk. everything, as of now, gets shoved onto a shelf. it's just not working. PLUS there are closets in the basement that would work great for storing it all. PLUS i can paint it a fun color and hang goofy posters and art and maps and chalkboards and all of that. my last three kids all really get into that kind of stuff...so i think it would help them. there. it's settled. school in the basement. now i need a name.

5 second rule

for blogging when you're a mom of 5 kids. whenever you have 5 seconds you blog. something really quick. like a facebook status.

aidan is 15 now. aidan is 6'1" now. i'm still 5'4" and 29. for real. i'm not aging. it's really strange. i know WAY more now, but i'm still only 29.

for the past several years he's had a big birthday campout at the indiana property. i don't EVEN want to know what goes on down there. no girls allowed. this time there are about 25 going. this includes dads who can join in. this time, my baby went! my 4 year old who thinks he's 15 went. my littlest boy who is supposed to want to stay home with me! so i have 5 seconds. a few 5 seconds. dang i miss that little boy. both of them.

only once

i don't really like to vent on my blog. ya know, just wanna keep things light. however. i just wanna say. never, never, never EVER go into business with a friend. without a lawyer. without a signed something. anything. it would be a far better thing to just cut off both your hands with a very dull knife. the sad reality is that going into a business with a friend basically means you will no longer be friends. you suddenly are running something together and it becomes more of a marriage. sadly, when everything goes south and you've been beaten up, cheated on and are generally in a very sucky situation there's nothing to do but get a divorce. THAT, my friends, is ugly. then you have the custody battle over the beloved child i.e. the business. who will be better for it? who will take care of it? who will nurture it into something? who will MAINTAIN consistency? that, really, is what must be decided. HOWEVER, you have the emotions that go along with it. "but, it was MY idea", "no, it was MINE". "you don't like me anymore" , "you don't stand up for me", "you're disrespectful" and blah, blah, blah, blah. are you kidding me?? so then you have the business and it's faithful customers stuck right smack in the middle wondering what will happen to them. if one person takes over there's a chance of survival. if the other? questionable. child services will have to be phoned in a few months because of severe neglect and something that was beautiful will be damaged forever. SO, if you say to me you're going into business with a friend. i will say RUN! NO! you'll have a much better chance with a complete stranger off of the street. got it?

here i am again

it's easy to post when your 5 kids are out of the house. they're out of the house!

i'm painting. lots of rooms. like almost every room in my house. cool colors. when i say cool, i really MEAN cool. as in blues and greens. calm, gentle colors. AND for the first time EVER i'm picking all the colors off of the same card. ya know, the palette things. the colors that THEY already have matched up for you. no more going from room to room in my house without flow. at least on the first floor. bedrooms and such can be whatever the occupant wants. but from now on the first floor, the floor where we are all of the time has got to be calm!

next i need to get rid of all that stuff that accumulates in closets, basements and garages. do we really NEED 20 scooters? is that crib, carseat, highchair and 3 boxes of baby clothes neccessary? if i save it will i really have a grandkid (or daughter-in-law) that WANTS old stuff??? doubt it. somehow i just can't part with those things just yet. my heart starts to ache thinking about it.

today, aidan was listening to "don't stop believin" in the car and i was almost brought to gut-wrenching sobs. journey? making me cry? i was just transported back to 1981/82, my bedroom, my first album (journey "escape"), my record player and all of my teen angst. OH, did i mention the round brush that was my microphone? my rainbow comforter, yellow walls and rainbow wallpaper that were my stage? me rockin' it out in my best steve perry imitation? oh yeah. my eldest would laugh his head off at the sight and never listen to the song again! i'm thankful for my life. i'm thankful for the people in it and mostly i'm thankful that i have a really great teenager. not that there aren't days...ya know. nail biting days. but overall, he's a good kid. how'd that happen???

i'm not guaranteeing that i'll remain here in blog world, but i AM hopeful.....

dortito casserole

so, the homemade corn tortillas did not happen. i didn't have that special "masa harina" corn flour. i looked again in the pantry and saw that there was 1/2 a bag of doritos (from the trip), a can of enchilada sauce and in the fridge was shredded cooked chicken and shredded cheddar. i googled my ingredients and came up with something i would not normally make BUT when it's all that's in the cabinet...it works! you just place crushed doritos in a casserole dish, toss chicken with sauce, place over chips add more chips and cheese....bake for 35 minutes. it was not the healthiest meal, but it was actually kind of good!! my older kids really liked it and aidan now wants to buy the "hot wing" flavored doritos and make a "chicken hot wing" casserole. see, you never know where creativity lurks.

what dinners have you made from NOT going to the store?

now that

basketball craziness is over...maybe there will be time to blog! i am so, so happy with my eldest. he had a great tournament week and played really well. the best part is that he kept his head up even though they lost three games out of five. at the end of the week there is an award ceremony. each team (356) is recognized and individual awards are given by the coaches. aidan received the christian character award. in one sense, i hate awards. especially for a team sport. the WHOLE team should be honored and recognized. to point out one person, to me, allows them to think better of themselves. on the other hand, aidan had a hard year last year with a coach who sat him on the bench whenever he made a mistake and who did not care for him too much. this year is different. at the beginning of the year, aidan's coach emailed me to let me know he was making him team captain. he said he admired his stable nature and ability to calmly be a leader. *sniff*. basketball is probably a high school thing. i'm not sure if aidan will pursue a college basketball career. for him to receive a recognition of character says way more to me than a "physical ability" award. having great character will take him onward into his adult life.

now we're back. we have no extra money and i am cooking dinner out of whatever is in my cabinets. tonight i'm trying to figure out if i can make corn tortillas without the special corn flour. i have stuff for enchiladas and no tortillas. ahhh the joys of trying to get out of debt!

rainy has been the weather today and i'm happy with it. i don't feel guilty for not doing much.